Conquering My Fears

A picture of my feet standing in a pile of fallen leaves.

2019 is the year that I conquer my fears about my writing and my blog. This is the year I take the leap and publish my first book. I’ve been too afraid in the past of exposing my writing. Starting a blog was the first step towards conquering the fear but then I was afraid to talk about my past and my mental health. Then I conquered that.

As I have evolved with my writing about my mental health over the past 3 1/2 years I now am faced with my creative writing. How will it be received? Will I succeed? Then there are the technical. How do I even go about publishing? I can publish on Amazon but what does that really look like? Will it get me anywhere?

I’ve struggled with these questions for the past several years. I started my first novel in 2006 while I was pregnant with my second child. I still haven’t finished that one.

But since blogging, I have learned so much. I have gained more confidence in my writing. I have already been conquering several fears around my ability to write as well as learning just how creative I can be within my writing.

That first novel I started back in 2006 still isn’t ready for public viewing. It is the most personal fictional story I’ve written – and I am still writing it. However, I have written other stories that I’m very proud of. I have even delved into writing poetry. That’s not something I ever thought I’d see myself write.

Conquering these fears about my writing have helped tremendously with my confidence in myself and my abilities. But it has been the technical and financial side of it that has caused me to not take the leap forward with my work.

Therefore, it is my goal for 2019 to finally tackle these fears of mine and move forward with publishing my first book. It isn’t finished yet but I am giving myself a deadline of June, 2019. I feel like this will be plenty of time to conquer my fears and actually finish what I started.

As to what kind of book its going to be, I am torn between two different ones. I have been asked by readers to write a book about my mental health journey. I want to write that book but I am not familiar with the semantics so this one needs more work.

The second, of course, to those who have read my writing, won’t be surprised by this: The second is going to be supernatural fiction. Actually it will be a collection of short stories centered around two sisters. I have already posted two of those stories here on the blog.

Due to WordPress’s new format for putting links in I cannot put them here so just check under the tab Writing then Short Stories.

Anyway, Thanks all for reading. This is a short post because honestly, I have lost my concentration. See you all next week.

Oh and if you are interested in any YouTube entertainment from my channel (which I also have to change) Check out two of my latest music videos:

A music video I put together celebrating the first year of Destiny 2

A music video I made dedicated to my favorite character in Destiny 2 who was killed off.

Thanks so much for reading!

I am linking with:


The Write Stuff – How I Got Started in Writing

a journal, a pink pen, and a cup of coffee_TheWriteStuffHowIGotStartedInWriting_RockinRandomMom

My friend Deb over at My Random Musings has been inspiring me a lot lately. This week she asked our Facebook group “Who or what inspired you to start writing? It’s a simple question isn’t it? Accept for me is wasn’t really. I had to think about it. I had two answers to this question:

That’s… actually a great question Deb. I’m going to have to think about this one because I’ve never really considered this. I think the short, most immediate answer for me is, having a mental illness, a big imagination, and a huge desire to write it all down.

Yeah, I would say that writing started with me as a kid with a diary. I started keeping a journal at 11 years old but writing wasn’t what I wanted to do with my life. I actually always wanted to be a singer/actress growing up. But dreams change as we get older and I always wrote in a journal through everything. I always had a book by my side to write down my thoughts and feelings. Eventually, I discovered that writing is what I want to do. It feels more like a calling than just a dream.

But I wasn’t done thinking about it. I had mulled this one over in my head for days. What did get me started in writing?  Both of the above answers are correct. I want to elaborate on them though because writing has become so much more to me than fiction or blogging. It has become my outlet. When I look back I realize that it always was.

a notepad, coffee, and pencil_writing_rockinrandommom

To elaborate on my second answer first, writing started when I was 11 years old. I had received my first diary on my 11th birthday. My aunt gave it to me as a sort of rite of passage. She said, “every girl should have a diary.”  I actually still have that diary. I have all of my diaries. Writing started that day. I wrote in that book daily every night before bed.

The drawback of that diary – and every diary throughout my teenage years – was that my aunt also believed that she had a right to read my diary whenever she wanted because “what’s yours is mine”. Despite the fact that it was a severe violation of my privacy, I kept writing. There was a drive inside of me that I couldn’t explain. I HAD to write down all of my thoughts and feelings.

Looking back on those years and all of the pain I was feeling and the toxic environment I lived in, writing was a necessity for me. I never thought about it. I just wrote. It’s funny because as I write this I think about how I always thought music was my go-to. Music was my first love but now I know what role music has always played in my life. Music was my escape. But writing was my expression.

Music and Writing. You wouldn’t think the two would fit together so well but they do. They always did. Song writers knows this very intimately. Music allows me to escape but also inspires my writing.  I hear a great song and suddenly I am in a different world that is all my own.

someone writes while butterfly sits_writing_rockinrandommom

Meanwhile, writing inspires me all the time. Especially since I started my blog. I still keep a diary to this day but blogging has given me the opportunity to open myself up to total strangers and express myself in a way I’ve always wanted to but never thought I could.

This brings me to my first answer. During the worst parts of my mental illness I wrote less in my diary. Taking into account that I was also taking care of an infant at the time and my thoughts were so scattered, writing took a back seat. But by 2006 I felt a strong urge to finally start writing fiction as a way to express my emotions without talking about my real life.

After all, that’s what writers do. We take our pain and express it through fictional characters. I began my very first vampire story that year. Then I had my second child, worked on finishing up college and life became first while once again, writing took a back seat.

Fast forward to when I left my job three years ago and my blog was born. Since then I have been exploring different ways that I can get paid for my writing. It hasn’t been very successful but I feel like I am getting closer to my dream. I haven’t given up on my writing, even when I lost my mojo at times.

What about you? Who or what inspired you to start writing?

Thanks so much for reading!



I am linking with:


My Random Musings


Monday Stumble Linky


Shank You Very Much

Mother of Teenagers

Cuddle Fairy


Motherhood The Real Deal

It’s All About Writing: What I’ve Been Up To Lately


Lately I have been writing. A lot. Just, not on my blog. I’ve been writing my stories and coming up with so many new ideas for my characters. I’ve also been writing with someone else. He and I have been writing a joint story. Now, those of you who have read some of my fictional writing on my blog, you know what kind of stories I write. I’ve been really focused on it. There are other things happening right now as well. So, here is what’s been going on with me.

School Starting:

Yes, the new school year has begun and my boys are doing great! Conner is doing so well in the fourth grade and loves his teacher. Homework is still a struggle but we are working on it. Truth be told though, I HATE homework so I feel his pain. Adam has started his freshman year of high school and while I was really nervous about it, he is doing exceptionally well. He even auditioned for his first play. He didn’t get a part but he is taking a class called Stagecraft and is loving it.

Researching extending my degree:

writing_rockinrandommomI have been thinking about this for awhile now and I’m still on the fence about it. The two biggest reasons I’m on the fence is A) getting my Master’s degree is going to be very time consuming and I worry about it taking too much time from my boys. B) Because of the economy being in the shit hole right now, I’m not guaranteed a job when I’m done but I will be stuck with even more students loans. However, I do really want to go back to school. I’m leaning more and more towards School Counseling/School Psychology. I also want to look into maybe getting something in English but again, I haven’t decided yet.

This all came about when I looked into getting my teaching license. With a bachelor’s degree I can only teach elementary school. With my background in early childhood Education, I can only teach kindergarten through third grade. That’s fine with me but when I asked a few professionals in the field, they told me that either way I would have to start working towards my Master’s degree at some point. This is very frustrating. You now need a Master’s Degree in order to teach elementary school? Yet I seem to be overqualified to be a paraprofessional or substitute teacher. At least that’s what I’m told.

Found a possible backup plan?

Well I don’t know how far it will get me but I recently discovered my love of editing other people’s writing. I started editing my friend’s writing and realized that I’m actually pretty good at it. So now I am looking into some way I can use that to my advantage and maybe make a little money? This is still in the thinking stages.

A second Blog

Yep, you read that right. I am still looking into it but I may be starting a second blog that will showcase more of writing_rockinrandommommy fictional writing and that of my friend who I have been writing with. Because our stories are a bit dark and focus on the supernatural, and because many of my readers aren’t into that type of writing, I am considering starting a second blog with him. While he and I would run the blog together and post our writing, I would like to offer other writers of these stories the opportunity to share their writing as well.

This blog here is really my space to help inspire others. It is for parents. It is for special needs and mental health. I’ve also gotten to know most of my readers and they really do get the most out of those posts. So I want to keep it focused on that.

So that’s pretty much it. These other things have been keeping me pretty busy. For this reason I will be in and out of my blog. Some weeks I won’t post or share anything and some weeks I will. Don’t worry. I’m still around and every now and then I will drop by to say hello. I have a few guest posts coming up soon and I will be re-sharing a few of my old posts as well. So, I won’t be around much but I won’t be far.

Thanks so much for reading! Please, do come back and drop me a comment.





I am sharing this post with these rockin’ linkies:

My Random Musings
Diary of an imperfect mum
Cuddle Fairy


Exploring My Creative Side


Lately I have been considering sharing my creative stories that I have been writing since January of 2006. I have shared some of my work with a few close and trusted friends who love my stories and can’t wait to read more. However, my lack of confidence in my writing has prevented me from sharing them with anyone else.

It wasn’t until recently, when I shared with one more person who gave me a lot of positive feedback, that I really started to convince myself that maybe there is something to this creative brain of mine and maybe I shouldn’t keep it to myself. As an avid music lover, I always thought I would spend my life singing. I had been a part of the choir since I was in the third grade. I remember auditioning for the choir three times because the teacher didn’t think I had a good voice. I wouldn’t give up though because I knew music was my passion. It was my calling. So I kept going back to her until she finally just let me in so she wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. Ha ha!musicismysanity_rockinrandommom

In Middle School I had a great music teacher who really helped me improve my voice. By high school I was one of the students selected to audition for the state choir! I didn’t get it but the fact that my teacher thought I was good enough to try out for the state was an honor in itself. Yep, music was my calling and I was on my way to the big time!

Then tenth grade hit and I joined the Drama Club because my Aunt couldn’t afford the expensive gown I had to buy in order to continue with the choir. I was sad about it but the Drama Club did musicals every year so I could still sing. That is until senior year when I had one solo line to sing in a little musical called Little Shop of Horrors and I froze on stage in front of an audience that paid to see the show. I was so embarrassed. I had gotten a severe case of stage fright. I didn’t get on a stage again until I was 21 and had to have a few drinks in me in order to get up there to sing a Shania Twain song.

But do you know what’s really funny? I’ve been writing since I was 11 years old and it never dawned on me that writing would end up being so much more for me than putting pen to paper. My first diary at that age was the start of my writing. Granted my writing skills back then were pretty horrible and I was writing my feelings versus writing a fictional story but it started something for me that I didn’t realize was happening until 2006. It lead me to writing fiction.


As a teenager growing up in an abusive environment and not having any self-esteem, writing became my outlet. Even when my aunt would read my diary and write nasty notes in the margins about how horrible a person I am, I still wrote. I was forever finding all sorts of creative hiding places so I could keep my private thoughts to myself. I still keep a diary to this day.

stephenkingquote_rockinrandommomFast forward many years and a PTSD diagnosis later, I needed a way to tell my story, without actually telling my story. Enter Fiction! Fiction became my salvation in expressing myself through fictional characters. After all, isn’t that what writers do?

So I started a little story about four vampire siblings who had to survive a rough childhood before becoming monsters then have to figure out if becoming actual monsters is more humane than being human. They each struggle with their inner demons, literally. There’s much more to this story but it’s the first one I started and am still working on. In the meantime, many other stories have come to the surface and I am planning on sharing each one with all of you.

My stories are about monsters who deal with several different types of abuse and other tragedies and how they overcome their issues and fight their demons. Vampires have always felt like a safe haven for me. I know it sounds hokey but when you live in a world of real (human) monsters, the fictitious ones become teddy bears in the grander scheme of things. Okay, maybe the teddy bears reference is a bit of an exaggeration but you get my drift.

So, within the next couple of weeks I am going to share some of my stories with you as I explore my creative side and I hope you fall in love with my characters as much as I have!


I am linking this with:



Writing: How Do You Inspire Your Writing?


How do you inspire your writing? I was asked this question by one of my readers and it got me to thinking. While I use a variety of different techniques, and not all of them are intentional to my writing, I am only one writer among the many others out there who undoubtedly use other methods of inspiration/motivation to write. How do you inspire your writing? An interesting question.

So I am going to share a few things that inspire my writing:

  • MUSIC! Does anyone even need to guess this about me? I mean, it is the name of my blog for a reason. Music just does so much for me. It inspires me and helps me to clear my head. It puts me in certain moods, depending on which genre of music I’m listening to. And It motivates me to exercise and it also motivates me to clean my house. Seriously, I can’t clean without music blaring. Pandora is awesome for this. It also helps me sleep sometimes. When I need to think, I mean really think and self-reflect, music is there, holding my hand every step of the way, including in my writing.

Love this song: Inspires me Everytime

  • COFFEE! Next to music, there is always my morning coffee. Coffee wakes me up and I find comfort in the coffee as I sit at my computer every morning getting ready for my next writing project.
  • EXERCISE! I’ve talked about how exercise in the morning really helps to wake me up. I have a short morning yoga routine that really wakes up the body and the mind. This helps motivate me to get my writing started because my mind is clear and awake.
  • DREAMS! Yes, you read that right. I get ideas from my dreams. The last short story I wrote was literally a dream I had. In fact, all of my short stories seem to come to me in my dreams. It makes sense if you think about it. Your dreams are your subconscious talking to you after all, trying to relay a message. Okay, so maybe not all dreams are meant to be written about but occasionally I will get a really good story from it.
  • MEDITATION! I meditate at night with my new app but I will be adding some midday meditation in the form of Tai Chi. I can’t stress enough how much this has helped clear my head and helped with my stress levels. It also helps to inspire my writing because I have a clearer mind.


  • MY KIDS! My boys inspire me every day, just by being who they are! They are half the reason I started my blog so it kind of goes without saying.
  • OTHER BLOGGERS! Sometimes I might not even be thinking about my next blog post when I will read something another blogger has written, then I find myself coming up with an idea and before I know it, I’ve got an article written. I love finding inspiration from other bloggers.
  • FACEBOOK! I find all sorts of articles in my Facebook feed that inspire me to write because I come up with ideas. I wrote an article in response to an article I read on Scary Mommy but it wasn’t the article itself. The Facebook comments can show a lot about people and motivated me to write my post. In fact, most of my posts in my category Random Rants, have come from Facebook. You can read them HERE.
  • NO EMAIL!  Not reading my email before looking at my blog has been helpful for me, especially when I have an idea in my head. I have found that if I open up my email before looking at my blog, I get side tracked and overwhelmed by all the emails I am reading. Before I know it, half the day is gone and I haven’t even looked at my blog. This causes me to actually lose my motivation. So, if you have an idea and are already inspired to write about it, DON’T OPEN YOUR EMAIL!
  • STEPPING AWAY! This may not sound like a way to center yourself or find inspiration but sometimes walking away from the computer and concentrating on something else helps me to find the motivation I need to go back to the computer to write down my ideas. I’ve been doing this a lot lately as I have had a hard time concentrating due to an anniversary that I will write about soon.


What motivates you to write? How do you center yourself so that you can sit down at the computer to write? What inspires you to come up with the topics that you come up with?

Thanks so much for reading!


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