It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a new quote. I belong to a positivity community on Facebook. My friend and fellow blogger, Becky posted a wonderful quote that really resonated with me. Love yourself enough to set boundaries. So I’m going to share it here because it fits so well with my life and my blog.
It also works well with my recent experience with a friend. He said something that offended me but also made me question some decisions. Then I saw this quote and I was immediately reminded of why I made my choice. It is a reminder to love yourself. It is also a reminder not to be afraid to set boundaries with others.
Over the weekend I was gaming with one of my best gal pals when we started playing with another friend of mine. He is also friends with my ex-boyfriend. Since the breakup and my decision to exclude him from my life, I don’t chat with our mutual friends as often.
For whatever reason, my friend decided to comment on this fact and he said we both were being immature about the whole thing. I’ll admit that I was definitely offended by his remark. While I can have my immature moments as we all can, making the decision to eject someone from my life who was affecting my mental health and happiness was about boundaries and that is the opposite of immature.
I don’t believe my friend had any vicious intent when he said that. His perspective on life is different from mine. He’s also young and like myself at his age, he is surrounded by negative people and isn’t given many choices to see life from a different perspective. However, his words did affect me. They made me think twice about my decision not to continue any sort of friendship with my ex-boyfriend.
I was going back and forth about this for a couple of days when I saw the quote. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. Bam! I have set a boundary for myself and I intend to keep it. My decision is based on what I deserve. It’s about the kind of people I want to have in my life – and the kind of people I don’t want in my life.
If you love yourself, naturally you will set boundaries for yourself. But is it as cut and dry as that? It took me a long time to learn to love myself. It also took me a long time to recognize my own worth and set boundaries. However, I didn’t always know what boundaries even meant. Growing up, kids were “just kids”. Boundaries wasn’t even a word in the vocabulary in my house.
My aunt often reminded me that my room was her room because it was her house. My clothes and toys she paid for so if she decided to take something away from me, I had no right to argue. If she was mad at me – which was often – she would either take something of mine that I loved or break it just to prove a point.
As a parent, I see my children very differently than she saw me. I value them as human beings with the right to their privacy but also the right to set their own boundaries. I tell them all the time to “love yourself”. That includes setting boundaries. I have two examples of this:
From the time my youngest was a baby, during tickle time I would often pat him on the butt. When he was about 6 years old, he came to me one day after I patted him and said, “Mommy please don’t do that anymore. I don’t like it.” While I will admit that it was tough to break the habit, I respected his wishes. After all, if I’m teaching him to set boundaries with others, then I must allow him to set his own boundaries with me as well. It’s his body and he has a right to say no, even to me.
My second example is my teenager. He closes his door and shuts himself in his room every day. As his mother who is used to just walking in at any given moment, I had to re-adjust my habit to knocking before entering. It was hard at first going from having a little boy whose door was always open to having to knock but this is his boundary.
This isn’t something that is necessarily taught or modeled in all households. So not all children become adults that understand their own boundaries, let alone understanding and respecting anyone else’s.
I can now say with full confidence that I have set a boundary and those boundaries will be respected. If not, then those people who fail to be respectful of my wishes can step away. As the quote says, my time and energy is precious. I get to choose how to use it. Love yourself. Only then will you truly know what your boundaries are.
What are your thoughts on boundaries? Leave me a comment below.
Thanks so much for reading!
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