Rockin’ Quote #35: Love Yourself Enough to Set Boundaries

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It’s been awhile since I’ve posted a new quote. I belong to a positivity community on Facebook. My friend and fellow blogger, Becky posted a wonderful quote that really resonated with me. Love yourself enough to set boundaries. So I’m going to share it here because it fits so well with my life and my blog.

It also works well with my recent experience with a friend. He said something that offended me but also made me question some decisions. Then I saw this quote and I was immediately reminded of why I made my choice. It is a reminder to love yourself. It is also a reminder not to be afraid to set boundaries with others.

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Over the weekend I was gaming with one of my best gal pals when we started playing with another friend of mine. He is also friends with my ex-boyfriend. Since the breakup and my decision to exclude him from my life, I don’t chat with our mutual friends as often.

For whatever reason, my friend decided to comment on this fact and he said we both were being immature about the whole thing. I’ll admit that I was definitely offended by his remark. While I can have my immature moments as we all can, making the decision to eject someone from my life who was affecting my mental health and happiness was about boundaries and that is the opposite of immature.

I don’t believe my friend had any vicious intent when he said that. His perspective on life is different from mine. He’s also young and like myself at his age, he is surrounded by negative people and isn’t given many choices to see life from a different perspective. However, his words did affect me. They made me think twice about my decision not to continue any sort of friendship with my ex-boyfriend.

I was going back and forth about this for a couple of days when I saw the quote. It was like a light bulb went off in my head. Bam! I have set a boundary for myself and I intend to keep it. My decision is based on what I deserve. It’s about the kind of people I want to have in my life – and the kind of people I don’t want in my life.

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If you love yourself, naturally you will set boundaries for yourself. But is it as cut and dry as that? It took me a long time to learn to love myself. It also took me a long time to recognize my own worth and set boundaries. However, I didn’t always know what boundaries even meant. Growing up, kids were “just kids”. Boundaries wasn’t even a word in the vocabulary in my house.

My aunt often reminded me that my room was her room because it was her house. My clothes and toys she paid for so if she decided to take something away from me, I had no right to argue. If she was mad at me – which was often – she would either take something of mine that I loved or break it just to prove a point.

As a parent, I see my children very differently than she saw me. I value them as human beings with the right to their privacy but also the right to set their own boundaries. I tell them all the time to “love yourself”. That includes setting boundaries. I have two examples of this:

From the time my youngest was a baby, during tickle time I would often pat him on the butt. When he was about 6 years old, he came to me one day after I patted him and said, “Mommy please don’t do that anymore. I don’t like it.” While I will admit that it was tough to break the habit, I respected his wishes. After all, if I’m teaching him to set boundaries with others, then I must allow him to set his own boundaries with me as well. It’s his body and he has a right to say no, even to me.

My second example is my teenager. He closes his door and shuts himself in his room every day. As his mother who is used to just walking in at any given moment, I had to re-adjust my habit to knocking before entering. It was hard at first going from having a little boy whose door was always open to having to knock but this is his boundary.

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This isn’t something that is necessarily taught or modeled in all households. So not all children become adults that understand their own boundaries, let alone understanding and respecting anyone else’s.

I can now say with full confidence that I have set a boundary and those boundaries will be respected. If not, then those people who fail to be respectful of my wishes can step away. As the quote says, my time and energy is precious. I get to choose how to use it. Love yourself. Only then will you truly know what your boundaries are.

What are your thoughts on boundaries? Leave me a comment below.

Thanks so much for reading!

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I am linking this with:

 

My Random Musings

 

Reflectionsfromme

 

Monday Stumble Linky

 

 

Burnished Chaos

 

Shank You Very Much

Mother of Teenagers

Cuddle Fairy

 

Rockin’ Quote #13: ‘Tis Near Halloween

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Updated Post from 2015

Rockin’ Quote #13: ‘Tis Near Halloween

halloweenquote2_rockinrandommom October is my favorite month of the year. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I love the aura of Autumn and of Halloween. I can’t explain it but it fills me with a weird fuzzy feeling in my stomach and chest. This time of year makes me feel more alive and more free than any other time.

I read once, a long time ago, that the seasons represent life. Spring represents birth. Summer represents youth. Autumn represents old age and/or dying. While Winter represents Death. The circle of life affecting nature in its finest and most raw form. So then why do I feel the most alive during the old age season? Maybe its because getting older doesn’t mean the end. It can sometimes mean a new beginning.

Halloween is the season of the witch, black cats, vampires (my personal favorite) and all the old school monsters. Some how these days, I find comfort in these “monsters.” With all of the bad that has been happening around the world lately, I think finding comfort and solace in a good ole fashioned “scary” story where the vampire is feared and the witch is green, (No offense to my mom, who is a Wiccan. Love you Mom!)

I also have a black cat and in no way believe they are bad luck. Just saying!

Anyway, I found this quote a while back and just love it! It has everything that draws me to Halloween in one short quote, save the dressing up part, but that’s just a given.  For ’tis near Halloween, when all the ghosts and goblins come out!

We get to dress up in our scariest…or sexiest costumes and cause some mischief in the world without any repercussions. Of course, the cops are out this night so you might want to not cause too much havoc now, hehehe!

Halloween is almost here ladies and gents! Get Ready to haunt, trick, and be scary!

Here are a few more of my old tags I made for Halloween:

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I can’t remember who the artist is for these two. It might be Joel Adams but I could be wrong.

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The artist of the lovely lady holding the skulls is Myka Jelina. She’s one of my favorite artists!

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I hope you all have a fantastic and hauntingly happy Halloween!

Thanks so much for Reading!

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I am linking this with:

One Hull of a Dad

Rockin’ Quote #34: Know When to Walk Away

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It’s been awhile since I posted a quote of the week. This quote “know when to walk away…” is piggy backing off of my last post When a Romantic Relationship Affects Your Mental Health. I spoke a little bit about my suspicions of my ex-boyfriend possibly having a mental illness. I also spoke about how he always shut me down with every suggestion I would make about getting help.

Reading over it though, it occurred to me that I didn’t really talk about one huge reason I felt I had to walk away from him. I want to talk about this because if there is a reader out there who feels they need to stay with someone in order to help that person, please consider all of your options first.

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If you’re anything like me, you don’t like to give up on the ones you love. You may also be what I call, a fixer. If I have a problem or if someone I love has a problem, I like to find a solution to that problem. I can’t tell you why I’m like this. Maybe it’s because I am the oldest of four. Maybe it has to do with my childhood and how I grew up. Or maybe I was just born this way.

The point is this: Because I have a fixer type of personality and I hate giving up on people, I don’t always know when to walk away. But years of therapy and much, MUCH self-reflection have helped me to see that sometimes I really do need to walk away from a negative or toxic person. I have to for my own benefit.

Sometimes I struggle with this because I wonder if I’m being selfish. I was told constantly as a kid that I was selfish. You know how kids are. When I wouldn’t let my little brother play with me and my barbies because he was my annoying little brother. Or when I was called a selfish bitch as a teenager because of whatever I wrote in my diary that day.

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I talked in my last post about my depression while in that relationship. There were days when I wouldn’t even get out of bed. My kids noticed the very obvious change in me. I have struggled with depression my whole life. However, for the past two years I have been doing very well in spite of that.

I was very active and very involved with my children’s schools. I was writing every day, either in my blog or working on other projects. Then I met someone and while the honeymoon phase can be expected to take one away from the world a little bit, it went deeper than that.

Then there was me trying to help him. I wanted to fix his problems. Except he didn’t want to fix his problems. When I think about it, I know its because he isn’t ready. You really do have to be ready to take that journey into self-improvement and healing. NO ONE CAN DO IT FOR YOU. Remember that.

walkaway_rockinrandommomThe second part of my quote, “Be strong enough to stay away” is what tends to be a problem for so many people. To walk away is one thing but when you really care for someone, staying away is a different story. Because I wanted so much to help him, even after we broke up, I wanted to remain friends. 

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The problem with remaining friends with an unhealthy person though is that you get pulled back into their world. You get pulled back into their darkness. Before I knew it, I was right back where I was before. I knew then that in order for me to be healthy I had to walk away completely.

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I had to think about myself and my boys. There were also questions about what we had in common. We didn’t have a whole lot. Video games were the most prominent. He didn’t take interest in any of my interests yet kept “strongly recommending” his interests. Even gaming stopped being fun after a while because if he wasn’t constantly jokingly insulting my gaming, then he was criticizing the game itself and after awhile that just stopped being fun.

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This also applies to those who find themselves in abusive relationships. Most people stay out of fear but many stay because they believe they can “fix” their partner. Remember what I said earlier? They have to WANT to fix it. They have to want to change. It’s out of your hands. At the end of the day you have to be happy. Know when to walk away…Be strong enough to stay away.

I would love to know what you think about this topic. Leave me a note in the comments.

Thanks so much for Reading!

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I am linking with:

My Random Musings
Reflectionsfromme
Monday Stumble Linky
Burnished Chaos

 

 

 

Rockin’ Quote #33: Happiness is a State of Being

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Happiness is a state of Being. What comes to mind when you here this? I came up with this one a few weeks ago while gaming with some friends. Most of the gamers I game with are in their early twenties and yes, sometimes I feel real old chatting with them but they’re a good group of people and they make me laugh. And I do love to laugh. Anyway, a few of them are dealing with some struggles that have them questioning a lot in their lives. They’re lost. I was lost once. My early twenties weren’t exactly filled with sunshine and rainbows, that’s for sure. I talked with one person in particular about happiness. Through that conversation I realized that not only is he not happy but he doesn’t know that only he has the power to make himself happy.

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When most people think of happiness they think of all of the things that make them happy. Things that make me happy are hiking, swimming, gaming, writing, spending time with my boys, and we can’t forget music. These things all make me happy in different ways. Hiking and swimming get me outside and active. When I’m active I feel physically good, which in turn, improves my mental health and that makes me happy.

Writing makes me feel productive. Being productive and feeling like I contribute to the world in some way is extremely important to me and that makes me happy. Gaming is my escape from the stressors of the world but I game with some really funny people. Seriously, they make me laugh so hard sometimes and as we all know laughter is the epitome of happiness. And of course, spending time with my boys either playing board games, going for a walk or just watching a movie together is something that causes happiness to spill over in me every time.

Then there is music!

A great song can put me in a really great mood. Songs can also inspire me. For instance, there are three songs that I’ve come by recently that do all three of these things. Battle Symphony by Linkin Park, Whatever it Takes by Imagine Dragons, and We Don’t Run by Bon Jovi. Come on, You had to know I would find a way to add Bon Jovi in there right? As long as he keeps making music, I’ll keep loving his songs!

I’m going to leave the three songs here for your listening pleasure!

 

 

 

So now that you’ve listened to these great songs, let me get back to what the point of this post is. We naturally seek outside sources to make us happy. Doing things we enjoy makes us happy. For many people, they find happiness in another person. This isn’t always the healthiest thing to do but our society has been groomed to believe this. I’m thinking of the romantic persuasion here. Just look at every love song, poem, movie, and book.

What we don’t often realize is that happiness – true happiness – comes from within. It took me a long time to learn this myself. I was so clouded by my own pain and bitterness that I didn’t know I had the gift of happiness inside me all along. I had to work through that pain but also work to change my perception of the world and of myself.

Once I was able to do that, I found it easy to be happy. I mentioned a few weeks ago about love and respect. You can read that one HERE  I believe self-love, self-respect and true happiness all intertwine with one another. Once I figured out how to love myself, I naturally earned greater respect for myself. Once I did that, my own inner happiness soon followed and it did so naturally. Then inner peace found its way into my soul.

This is what I hope for everyone. While many external things make us happy and we should continue to do what makes us happy, understanding that we possess the ability to be happy within ourselves brings more value to all of the external happiness we could ever find.

What do you think about happiness? Do you agree or disagree? What makes you happy? Leave me a comment about it. I’d love to hear from you!

Thanks so much for reading!

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Cuddle Fairy

Rockin’ Quote #32: If He is Not Worthy

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Recently I came across this quote on a shirt that was being sold through one of those ads on Facebook. I am a bit obsessed with Vikings these days and viking lore. I am also obsessed with the TV show on the History channel. Anyway, this shirt, and several others were being sold through a viking page that I liked. I saw this quote and knew I had to have the shirt but the quote means so much more. “If he is not worthy” is only the start of the quote. Let me show you what I mean.

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I love this quote and it holds even more meaning these days than it ever did before. Sex and love are no longer seen in today’s society as something special. In fact, we’ve become so desensitized to it that we have forgotten how to set boundaries. Or even what boundaries are. Do we even know anymore? But the bigger issue isn’t that love and sex have become so mainstream that we don’t even blink an eye at the pure absurdity of the abuse of it. No, that’s not the real problem. We are so obsessed with showing the world that we are free, independent individuals capable of doing whatever we want, with whoever we want that we have lost our self-respect.

Many people these days seem to be confused about what love and respect really mean so let’s break it down:

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There are about a million different definitions for Love. These I got from Webster dictionary.

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Again, from Webster dictionary. Self-love and self-respect is basically turned inward. I just want to make that clear.

And I’m not just talking about women here. Both sexes seem to have lost self-respect. Here’s the thing about respect. Just like they say that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. Well, the same rings true for respect. Now, I’m not saying you have to be celibate until you find “the one” or wait until marriage. I’m not trying to preach here. What I am saying is that we have forgotten the meaning of love and respect and we have forgotten to set boundaries with ourselves and with others.

What it really comes down to is your own sense of self. Who are you? How do you want to live your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Saying he is not worthy (and I also mean she because this does go for men and women) is saying this: If you can’t be there for me, stand beside in my darkest moments, you are not worthy of my time. We have a really bad habit of giving too much of ourselves to people who take advantage of us or take us for granted. When you stop to think about it, at the end of the day they only care about what you give to them. There is no regard for your needs or your happiness.

To others this quote could be just about sex. To me though, it’s about so much more than that. This is something I also feel is important to teach my boys. As a mother I don’t just teach them to respect women. I teach them to respect themselves. Saying a person is not worthy isn’t saying that person isn’t a good person. It’s saying that person is not worthy of your time and your energy. Even a good person can treat another badly. Don’t waste it on the wrong people. You deserve better than that.

Thanks so much for reading!

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I am linking this with:

Cuddle Fairy