Last year I met someone who I thought was a soul mate. While I often question the validity of soul mates, deep down I wish for one. That one person who just gets me. This person seemed to do just that. We had this really strong instant connection. The relationship showed a lot of promise.
That was so refreshing. He actually took the time to get to know me. It’s so rare to find that these days. I found him to be a unique person with a unique mind and I adored our conversations. We could talk about anything and the conversations flowed as if we had always known each other.
We had a long distance relationship. This was against my rules of dating. We met online – Xbox – another rule broken. Still, though I wanted to give it a chance. I wanted to open myself up to the possibilities. A third rule I broke was to not date someone more than 5 years younger than me. He was in his twenties. He presented himself as a mature and deep, intelligent thinker.
I don’t trust easily and it takes a lot for me to tell someone I love them. It happened fast and within a month we were exchanging I love you’s and talking long term. I watch Catfish on MTV so naturally I was cautious. We had Skyped and sent pictures and spoke on the phone. He was who he said he was.
BUT THERE WERE SEVERAL RED FLAGS.
When I commit to someone and really love someone, I tend to go above and beyond. I’m a very generous person and eventually realized my generosity was being taken advantage of. When I said something, his answer was always, “Well, I didn’t ask you.” When coupled with how he “didn’t ask” – that is manipulation.
He had a way though, of making me second guess my instincts. Because of my trust issues I told myself that it was my own crazy thoughts that were keeping me from fully trusting him. I look back on that now and I know better. ALWAYS TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!
He would often ignore me for a week or two at a time then come back and tell me how much he missed me. When I get ignored, I get angry but I also get distant. I told him this yet he kept ignoring me anyway. This had nothing to do with family obligations or work. It was all about gaming. He often retreated to his own little bubble where no one else existed, save his gaming buddies. During these times, I found myself depressed and irritable. I allowed it to affect my well being and happiness. Not Cool!
This song explains it perfectly:
Even so, I continued to date him. I really believed in our connection. Despite all the signs I believed in him. I saw his potential. I also wanted to help him. You see, over the course of our 10 month relationship/friendship I saw strong signs of a possible mental illness.
He would lie or exaggerate certain truths about his life in order to gain my sympathy. I genuinely wanted to help him but often found myself more stressed out and withdrawn. I was really stressing and worrying over his well being and beating myself up when he consistently ignored my advice. He could talk the talk but couldn’t walk the walk.
The last straw for me was when he “forgot” my birthday. Wait. What he said was he didn’t forget, just forgot to tell me. I called bullshit on that and realized, finally, that I needed to let him go. We weren’t in a relationship by then but we were still acting like a couple. It showed me how selfish he really was. Despite his constant words of “I love you” and “You’re the most important thing in my life”, his actions kept showing me the opposite.
I finally came to the conclusion that what he really wanted was a savior. Someone to rescue him from his life and take care of him. He wanted a mother and a lover in one while at the same time someone to obsess over him. I’m just not down with that. For my own sanity I had to cut him from my life. Sometimes you just have to walk away. I have to put my happiness first. After, I realized just how much he had drained me emotionally.
I was really angry with him but more angry with myself. The truth is I felt duped. How can that be? I’m smarter than this? I really had to come to terms with the whole situation. I invested so much more into the relationship. I gave more than I got. I can’t say this relationship was a mistake because I learned something very valuable about myself. Now I can move forward. Never settle for less than you deserve.
Have you had a similar experience in relationships? Let me know in the comments.
Thanks so much for Reading!
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